cant find the answer of what I supposed to do in the near future

It 15 mn to 10 am, I am at the Nursing school, translating for a pediatric nurse with the senior students. Today is august 17 and it almost two months that I am back to Haiti. I miss all my friends in Madison, my dear friends the Dopf's family that I will never forget and my friend in Minneapolis. I remember my plan before I came back to Haiti, everything I wanted to do, with my nursing experience, with my new experience with God. I still don’t know why, I am here, not working and not helping at all. Sometime like I always said: it hard to understand God's desire for you. I am praying God everyday to ask him. what He wants me to do?
Sometimes it makes me so sad to see how I spend my time in Haiti. Life as a Haitian is a dilemma. I will never surrender at all. The earthquake has changed many lives, also mine. I will never go back to my first life. I will never still quit in my bed in Léogâne, I will never have my cloths in my nice closet. The tent will be my home for a period of time I don’t know. Any way I am not the only victims of this living condition. Mine might be a lot better than others.
Days after days I am asking God what I supposed to do, cause I want to be active not staying as a lazy man. I want to work or create or change or promote. No one is thinking for me here In Haiti. Only God will give me the answer. I don’t know for how much I will work or where or in what condition but I just want to use my time by doing something positive.
God is giving me a passion now for Medicine; I really like the idea of being a surgeon. And that is not impossible. If it God desire its will be a lot more easy for me to apply for medical school and then become a surgeon and be more helpful for my community. I don’t know what to do or where to go or who to talk to, but I am talking with you, you who know who I am , where IO am from , and what I can do and who I was before and who I will be. God, I am talking to you now please here is my prayer:
“Like a son talking to his father I am comfortable to talk to you my God
You who know when I am sad, when I am weak and when I am lost. Please help me find the answer of what is waiting for me. I am a little afraid for myself, my future and my dream.
You have the keys of my life the keys which can open the book of success. I relay on you my father.
My prayers and my through are for you and to you. Love You God amen »

I am Back

Today I am happy that i can write something on my Blog. It's tuesday august 4th, 17 days from now will be my 2nd months back to Haiti. I have' nt up date my blog since a long time. the internet is pretty a big deal here must the time.
So I am good, have a lot to say and to do.
i am in Port au prince this week. i am working on a project with a group. we went to Cange yesterday, visiting Paul Farmer's foundation," zanmi la sante", It a great foundation. I met the medical Director, Dr. Joesil. I read the book " mountain behind mountain" so it was good to see what they are doing.
I have news about Leogane. The health care system it s not going very good. The field hospital is nt working any moree they closed it last saturday. now the Doctors without borders are the only hospital in leogane. hospital Saint Croix is working on reopen very soon.
I am working on finding a way to update my blog one time a week at least.
God is still by my side. I want you to pray for me that God can help me to find a job. i am thinking on apply for more than nursing soon. but still need to pray about it.
I am sorry that i9 am so short I will post more soon.

back to work home.

it took me a very long time to write the 1rst about my new life back in Haiti. the temperature is about 95 degrees or more. happy to be back home. Still cant figure out how to start , there so many things to do. still don't have a place to stay safe and organize. but God is planning. The street are muddy and dirty. I was sick these couple days and my girl friend also. I am having some really hard time. But I still believe that everything will be fine cause God is with me. its hard to find good internet signal and longest you stay the most you pay. I will posted more detail soon.

Ready to go back

Tonight's my last night in the states after 10 weeks externship in Madison Wisconsin. I ask you to pray for me because at this time prayer is the thing I need the most. Thank you to everyone who helped to make this trip possible for me. I don't know what is waiting for me in Haiti, and even if I don't know where I will sleep, God has a plan for me. I don't know when my next meal will be, my next shower, my next place to rest my head at night.... but Haiti is where I'm supposed to be and I'm excited to go home to my country. Good night I will write more soon and keep you up to date.

I miss the dopf

I miss the Dopf. I miss Verona............. I don't have the concentration i need to write tonight. I am also sa, very sad tonight.Cause I miss Verona. I will be back to Haiti next week. I am spending some time with my family in Cape Coral, Florida. And then going back to my country, my dear country Haiti. I miss Haiti, i miss Madison. My heart is where it should be, but not where I want to be. I should be with the people that's need my help. The People who can make me cry and Happy. It is best to forget yourself when millions of people can have a better life with your help. I AM READY TO GO BACK TO HAITI. EVEN IF I HAVE NO HOME TO SLEEP OR A BASIC BATH ROOM to use or the basics foods I need ... but "home is home and no one will make it better than us, lets DO it" God in my left, my skills in my right, nothing can stop me.
i will keep you update about the situation in Haiti. Good night.
Post more soon.

Things I cant forget about the earthquake.

Tonight I was in my room at the Dopf's House listening to Christian music and playing with the kids, we were laughing and dancing, felt very happy and good... Suddenly, I was thinking about my own nieces and nephew. I used to play with them a lot in Haiti... and later I think about Haiti and the quake. I stopped playing cause I couldn't. I felt that I was in Haiti in the earthquake was going to happen... I saw things that I never remember and talk about before tonight.It was so fast, so deep so strange, so scary that day of January 12. it was like some time when you are having a bad dream and after when you wake up you see that it's not real, it's a dream. You feel very happy that it was a dream... but "it was true" 45 seconds.. 45 little seconds. people that was by the epicenter of the earthquake in Haiti that day, like me, did not experience these 45 seconds the same way. Some cant talk now to share with us, they are not in this world, some cant walk to show us where they was... when I was in Haiti, any time I saw that house I was going to enter which is collapsed now, I ask my self why I am alive. But I do know now.
Now I remember why I was talking to the Vodoo priest that day. When he asked me to stop and wanted to try my bicycle. Mostly they don't talk very often to people. if I didn't stop, I would be inside the house and may be I would lost my life, or got damaged. But even if he stopped me, he didn't saved me. Its why God say : "I will use your enemies to rescue you"
I would like to know if he is still alive. when I will be back to Haiti next week, I would like to find him and tell him that God used him to save me. Now its is turn to be using by God to save him, not from the earthquake but hell.

I cant forget these 45 seconds. it's take 23 328 000 seconds from the fecundation to the to the last second of deliver of the the new baby. so confuse and hard for u and me to believe, right? but it's true. the same way that is true, it is also true that one life(23 328 000 seconds) was giving for millions and millions of life(infinity of seconds) The Bible says it clearly and many people had a new life because Jesus died.
Many people died from the earthquake and now all the world want to change haiti, they give a lot of money for Haiti and lot of attention, it will take time lot of energy, lot of strategy. its might be difficult or impossible to have a Haiti that everyone wish to have a day, but only the lord, our God can change Haiti.
Good night post more soon

Still learning hard, still busy. cant wait to go back to Haiti,share and use my experience from Madison and to restart the Mobile Clinics. I have met a lot of Good people here in Madison. one thing I will miss is the hospitality and the kindness of all the staff I worked with and also the very good treatment that Krista D, Dr Dopf wife gave me. I will be back in Haiti at the end of June. I still don't know where and how I will sleep. its still raining in Haiti in plus of the big aftershock that we have every 1 or two days. My desire is not to be in a good place and having a very nice life, but its to be some where I can make a change, I can create, provide, help people healing, smiling , hope and recovery they autonomy and they health. “helping people healing is providing health to my soul” God give us Life with a lot of struggles. Time to go back almost arrive no more than two weeks. when I go back to Haiti, Some things I will work on: Back to my Life in Haiti, see my Family, helping them having a better place to sleep. Restart with the Mobil Clinic Create A Nurses association i(stat in Leogane) Back to the Nursing School and setup a Fracture department in which I will be able to teach the Student: Mastering the human skeletal anatomy How to identify an open/ close fracture how to reduce it how to diagnosis and trait any compartmental syndrome how to put a cast/ splint how to remove an external fixator how to remove a cast Teach them the essential about physiotherapy for a post-op orthopedic patient Renew the CPR skills 2010 American hearth ass. Teach them how to take care of a new or old wound teach them how to take care of a patient by them self on a emergency situation Sterile technique Suture techniques ... working at the tent Hospital and help with my new Nursing skill I will be able to work as a orthopedic assistant at the Operating Room A circulant nurse or instruments Nurse working on a 24 hours opening emergency room at the hospital create a new system to manage the medical supplies and the patient records at the Hospital promote the infection control inside the Hospital Enhance the sterile technique at the OR helping with a electronic system for the pharmacy and a better maintenance for the Drugs and fluid. create a PT(physical therapy department at the Hospital for the Post-op patient) ... participate to my Graduation ceremony in December take the national exam for nurses in Haiti Getting more Education to provide a better care in Haiti. Staff I need and

things I still don't have to go back to Haiti:
I need a complete nursing kit DUAL HEAD PROFESSIONAL NURSING STETHOSCOPE
Mini Otoscope/Ophthalmoscope Kit Pocket Resuscitator Mask
AED (automated external defibrillator) for trainer (training the nurses and the student) real AED for the hospital
We need an x-ray Machine at the tent Hospital
We need to have laboratory access
I need support with the Mobile Clinique
Camping rechargeable lantern Coleman
Inflate-All Quick Pump many other suplies
...
post more soon